Science Reveals Newest Known Element!

The discovery of a new element . . . . . . .

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named -
Governmentium.

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take four days to
complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but
instead under-goes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element
which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.